melspy: April 2009

Letter from a friend on the superhighway:

Wow those photos of Super that "song posted" are so heady, my mind is
swirling! troy you must check out my space I found a video of a party
that was on you tube. Maybe you have seen. maybe not! It is mind
blowing, Doug is the D.J. your designs are worn by many, and Jills
designs are on the girls. Your Jazzadelic sign is held by you and then
girls. Troy this video is so hot and its grips you in the core of your
being. You are creation. I am honored to have been a part of Super
but alas I see now that I am truly missing out on the next level.
Doug's music is so flipping all consuming and the dancing is aligned .
When I watch it desire grips my soul. I've been so proud of myself for
calming down. This video makes me realize being calm is not entirely
fulfilling. It was such a challenge for me, I really had to work at
changing my life. But this vid awakens the part of me that I have been
suppressing. Super has grown strong into the next dimension. Still
going strong. You are a gift to all that are lucky enough to have
entered into your dream. I always wish you the best and please always
take care of yourself. I sure do miss Tarek. I keep a big photo of him
by my bed. I feel he always helping me from the spiritual side to heal
my life. I wonder what ever happened to Tony? Did you ever hear
anything? I really enjoyed knowing him. The last I heard he was sick.
Do you know if he pulled through? I feel bad for him, he was so full of
life but also loved to be so tragic that I imagine the tragic side of
him was taking over. One of my favorite memories of him was when
Superhighway would get crowded at the begging of the night and he would
stand in the area with the round couch by the water bar and scream "I'm
NAKED" then a pause "UNDER MY CLOTHES", then yell it again in a few.
ALL THE LITTLE NEWBIES WOULD LOOK AT HIM WITH TOTAL AMAZMENT!
I still have maybe four of his journals. I have the one from Super highway era.
Its really cool as he's always talking about all of us. My favorite
thing to remember about Tarek was a certain debate we had, that lasted
for a few months due to my blockheaddedness. I loved arguing with
Tarek.I was on this kick of pointing out what I thought was not good
for humans and I was saying different things were not natural! He
convinced me that anything humans have ever done or created(or will
create in the future) is Natural because he would say,"Well, Did it
come from another planet"? I'd have to answer no. SO he would win every
time. He was right so right in fact I cannot even remember what I
thought was so unnatural. Plastic and Hydroginated food, maybe
technology,or things I feared. So now I know no matter how much
something may seem unnatural to humans, it is natural, because we
created it here with the resources that we have on our planet. I find
it compelling what a good friend he was to all of us. He was really
a pure heart and generous with himself, a good listener, ect..
He inspired me to be a better person. I'm sad to say that was after he was gone. I only
wish I could have been a better person while he was here to see it. One
good thing I did was the night I made his a throne in the green room,
that was so much fun. I cooked for him and I cared for him, when he was
sleeping and I lived downstairs in the box I would hear him choking and
go stand over him to make sure he was breathing. I knew this was a
dangerous situation. He was so caring for his friend but he really
would not give himself that same measure of care. Not in the way that
could have made a difference. He didn't like to be bothered about it. I
made him really upset once, telling him to make his health a priority.
I know you used to get on his case about it to. He would just sort of
retreat. I hate death. I used to think that I was not scared of it. I
am. I just can't wrap me head around it. I just can't stand the thought
of it. Not for me or anyone I love. I know its probably just another
dimension I have to force myself to find that comforting. I always
think that If he wants, He can check on all of us, when he wants but
He is part of the great expansion, and I like to imagine him doing
great things that I really cannot imagine, like creating music for the
heavens) guiding our spirits. Loving us. I had a sort of second Mom,
that I knew since I was 2, she was my protector, stepping in when my
mom was not able to protect me. When I was old enough she told me the
truth about what had transpired. She had cut my mom off but continued
to talk to me. She helped me to overcome and over the years she was
always good for a nice long phone call. Her voice was a source of
comfort for me. Since my mom has had advanced alzheimers for five years
now( and cannot talk or remember me), I really reached out to Hannah .
It was great having her there to fill the void. She came to Berkeley
in November I spent the day with her. It was the firs time I had seen
her in like 15 years (lots of long talk over the phone) so I got to see
her and that was great although sort of scary as I saw in her eyes how
she seemed to be almost gone(almost like the vacant look in my mothers
eyes after the alzheimers) and very bad veins on her feet, unlike
anything I have ever seen, I knew her time was short. It was alarming
but that a fact of life people get old. It was just such a shock as her
voice sounded the same. Since I had not seen her in all those years
only spoken to her I just did not realize. Well In late December she
was painting and she took a cat nap. She had sleep apnea
and had been sleeping with a breathing aparatus for years, she fell
asleep without it. Just a nap, She died, with the paintbrush still in
her hand. She died peacefully and I know her body was tired.THat's two
people that have passed due to sleep apnea. Considering Tarek would not
wear the breathing thing, we were lucky to have him as long as we did.
Breathe Deep love peace Any thoughts on life and death would be greatly
welcomed. I used to be so carefree, one thing that has changed in me in
that I have a lot of strong urges to preserve and be safe and careful.
Maybe it's my age. I turned 40 this X-Mas eve. Now I am getting
married. I think I am scared of variables now. I would not mind living
a very long life. You have to live a very long life, You have a
beautiful son. Im so glad he came into your life. I'll let you go now.
I hope I have not said anything disturbing! This time or the last time.
You are a very strong being and so full of love and creation. Take
care, Love Lovlin