Is there a difference in trusting someone and trusting in someone? I am a believer that there is a difference. I seem to be putting my trust into people. The wrong people.
What does that say about me? Am I expecting people to do what they say they will do, when I should be doing them for myself? It seems when I trust in someone there is something they have that I think I need, or something I have that I want them to take away.. whether feelings of loneliness, validation, shame, guilt, or forgiveness. Its a new way to see things.
If I ask someone why they weren't trustworthy or why they did not follow through with what they said, usually they would tell me they're trying their best. And then say, “if that wasn't good enough for you – then that's your problem”. True. But if I look at it longer I see/hear something different. When I look at it without expectation I understand a person who is trying their best, isn't doing their best.
Trust isn't something that is given, or earned. Trust is inherent in the soul. Either you trust or you do not. Its poor judgment that causes my trust to be placed recklessly. I am prone to ignoring an inward intuition and instead become a victim of my poor judgment, not of others trustworthiness. An empowering concept.
I'm not interpreting my own needs and universal signs that will lead me to place my trust within myself, first. That trust can not be broken, only ignored and neglected.
Being a new mom has helped me see that I need to correct this pattern. When I look at my son. I trust something bigger than myself. I trust the gift given from a higher power, that I am capable of providing all he needs. When I feel overwhelmed, and I do, a lot, I find solace in this thought. I trust that I will meet all of his needs today. I trust in all that is good.
I trust that my experiences today will lead me to a greater understanding that will lead to a greater wisdom, that will become a part of my conscience.
Trust in oneself.
